Healing

Healing comes in many forms – physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. No matter what kind of healing we desire, we can never predict how long it will take for it to happen. Take for example relationships.

Celebrating my Papa’s birthday recently is a big deal for me even if it was just a simple dinner. For people who’ve only known me in the last 5 years, they probably wouldn’t know the kind of relationship I had with my father more than 10 years ago as well as the kind of childhood and family life I had growing up. Without going too much into detail, I grew up in a broken family. The drama that I experienced was “Maalaala Mo Kaya” worthy to be honest. I grew up being afraid of my father, and when I was a teenager, that fear eventually turned into resentment and hate.

This is the reason why I took up Psychology. I wanted to understand why my father couldn’t be a normal and loving father like the other fathers out there. As I grew older and wiser, the more I learned that what he was doing was wrong, and my respect for him deteriorated. Looking back, I know this will explain all the trust issues I had, especially with men, and my strong craving for independence and being able to prove that women were stronger than men.

There was a period in my life where I didn’t speak to him for 10 years, but because my mother always reminded me and my siblings that he was still our father, I guess I still cared for him but from afar, including him as my dependent and beneficiary in my medical benefits package. Being active in church, thankfully I learned to eventually forgive him even when he didn’t ask for forgiveness. But the complete healing happened when 5 1/2 years ago, he was hospitalized due to stroke. Aside from being thankful that he was part of my medical benefits, I found myself in the hospital, teary-eyed as I looked at him lying in the hospital bed.

He looked fragile and scared that he almost lost his life. In the way he spoke, he was no longer that proud and scary man that I once feared and hated. I think there was that soft tone in his voice that I have been wanting to hear for the most part of my childhood. And right then and there, even without words, I knew that we had reconciled. Deep down in my suppressed thoughts and feelings, I knew that I still loved and cared for him. Our relationship was healed and we have kept in touch since then.

Before all of this happened, my friends would hear stories from me about the arguments, the fights, and everything that went wrong with my father. But since we reconciled, people no longer hear anything from me because the heavy burden that I’ve been carrying for almost 30 years has been lifted, allowing me to be just a little bit more normal and happy.

And so if you are going through something that you feel is taking forever to heal, as long as you desire to be healed and are willing to open up yourself up to love and forgiveness from God, believe me when I say that no matter how long it takes, it’s going to happen.

I’d also like to ask a favor from you. Since it was his birthday recently, can you say a little prayer for my father? Thank you in advance. 🙂