Welcome Home?

After 1 year, 4 months and 8 days I decided to write a post on my blog once again! Yey! ๐Ÿ™‚

So what have I been up to this past year? A lot, actually.

One of them is even about writing. I’ve probably mentioned in one of my posts here that I am a frustrated writer and it remains that way up to this day. (Did that just rhyme? ย Lol.) I still love to write but I have turned all my energy into songwriting instead of blogging ย or even anything that is “literature-worthy”. There are so many things that I want to say, and I like to get carried away you know. I could go on and on and then just realize that I actually already have a good number of pages…majority of them you don’t really need…just like this sentence. Hahaha!

Anyway just to give you a run-down, here’s how my 2012 went:

January 2012 – I tried to start a new blog but sort of failed. Haha. I decided to join a songwriting contest and made new friends along the way because I recorded the music with them ๐Ÿ™‚

February– Won the songwriting contest! Yey! ๐Ÿ™‚

March – My brother got married on the day of our birthday! Then, the next day was the first time I ever threw a really big birthday party! Luckily, a lot of people came and they all fit in my house! It’s probably gonna be the last unless someone else plans a surprise party for me. (I am subtly telling you to throw me a surprise party next time. Lol.)

April – My mom left for the US and the news came that we had to immediately move out of our rented house. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

May – Wanting to prove that I can be independent, I decided to move into my own apartment but with a housemate. ๐Ÿ™‚

June – Uhmm…I don’t exactly have my 2012 planner with me right now and I have poor memory so ย I can’t remember if anything significant happened this month. Sorry.

July – My housemate moved out because her family misses her so much.

August – So I guess this was actually the time when I could say I have all the independence in the world. ย I had to pay the rent, the bills, do the grocery shopping, the cooking (oh my gosh I started learning how to cook!), the dishes, the laundry, and the list goes on.

September – As far as I could remember, this was the time when a few things slowed down at work and I was able to rest for a while because ย we just finished processing the last batch of hires. Honestly, since my mom left and I moved to a new place, I went through a really tough time. My activities drained me out and I got sick a lot. There were a lot of things that were bothering me and actually put pressure on my ability to make decisions. Then there were the matters of the heart. Again. All of a sudden I felt like all the peacefulness of my inner being had been crushed and I found myself back in the same position as I was 3 years ago – troubled, insecure, paranoid and distrustful.

October – Despite the tough time that I had been going through, songwriting helped me a lot. Since I won that contest, I made a promise to continue writing songs that would inspire people. When everything else was changing around me and making my life difficult for me, the only relief I ever got was when I would finish a song in the middle of the night…sometimes even in the early morning!

November – I think this was the time that I lay low in my activities and focused on my work because a lot of changes were taking place but then I got even more stressed out. I also started trying out something new in order to “search for answers”. I started to attend this once-a-week religious gathering where nobody knew me. I felt more safe knowing that I didn’t need to be as committed here and nobody pressured me into doing anything. I attended a conference and it was at that moment where I realized what I really wanted to do with my life.

December – Unfortunately, I was still weak. My interaction with certain people caused me to keep changing my mind and making me even more confused on what I should do with my life. So I found myself troubled again. But if there was anything that I was looking forward to, there was Christmas and New Year! The best part? My dream came true! I was invited to attend my best friend’s wedding in India!!! December 28, I left for India for an 11-day vacation. ๐Ÿ™‚

January 2013 –ย During my vacation, I prayed that I would be able to finally make a decision. Should I stay in my apartment or should I go back? That was the biggest issue by the way. Well, as much as I had enjoyed my vacation, I still couldn’t make up my mind after going home to Manila.

February –ย I realized that I had to be true to myself no matter how painful things could get. Maybe my big mouth usually got me into trouble. Maybe I still need to learn how to keep quiet sometimes and not say anything that I really didn’t mean in the first place. Maybe I need to learn more about being patient. But there was something inside of me that I just had to say to some people and I felt like if I didn’t do it, I would explode. It was the only thing that kept me from taking that road and I was afraid that once I said it, it would either be the end or the beginning of something new.

March –ย I continued to focus on my work and my music. Little by little I’ve decided to become active in a new community. I spent more time with my friends who really knew what was best for me. I couldn’t believe how much I’ve neglected them when they were the closest and the most real people I know. And as I said from last year, that was the last time I would ever throw a big party, but I’m still thankful that I got to celebrate it with the people I love. ๐Ÿ™‚

April – Finally I got my answer, it was the end of that road. All my other prayers started getting answered one by one. Finally, I knew that I was going to stay right where I was, in my apartment, far away from the city where I grew up.

May – Right now, things are as busy as ever in the office. I continue to write songs in my spare time and I even took a free online course to enhance my skills. I met a few musicians who appreciate my work and that’s really exciting. Just last weekend, I learned that you really can’t wait for your problems to be over just so you can say that you’re happy. If you want to be happy, CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes this past year and have gone through a lot. On the other hand, it wasn’t all negative. A lot of good stuff happened too and I choose to focus on those good stuff. I can’t change anything anymore but the only thing I can do is to move forward. Just like with this blog, there were a few moments when I would remember this and feel bad that I never got to continue this again. But then I guess my priorities have simply changed and I could no longer write.

For anyone who will actually read this, I doubt that I will ever write everyday again, not even every week. But because I started this blog as a source of inspiration to all my readers, I would love to be able to share stories or inspirational thoughts whenever I can. We’re almost halfway through 2013 and so far, I feel like this is the year for me to determine what I really want to achieve in my life, not just in my career but also in my personal life. I may have been thrown a bit off-track but I know that God is helping me to go back. But of course, I would love to share my passion and that is music. Here are other sites that I am able to update more regularly so if you have time and if you love music too, please visit these sites and feel free to comment or leave a note. ๐Ÿ™‚

http://www.soundcloud.com/abiagamata

http://www.facebook.com/abiagamata

You can also search me on YouTube – Abi Agamata

‘Til next time! ๐Ÿ™‚